i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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