hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
