Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
