I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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