They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
