You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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