I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
