Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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