Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
