Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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