So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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