I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i already hear my dad disowning me
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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