chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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