who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
