Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
