dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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