Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
