I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
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he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
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I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
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Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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