You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
