I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
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We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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