She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
