thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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