The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
