I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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