Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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