It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
