I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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