dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
