and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
