i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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