mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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