You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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