You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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