Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
