Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
