u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
