sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
