The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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