i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
my liver is dry heaving
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
