oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
