I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
