New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
