Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize