I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
