The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
