laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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