i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
