I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
