Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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