I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
