she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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