She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
