No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
