So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
