I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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