Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
