I wish they made helmets for livers.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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