I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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