i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
