My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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