So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
