forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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