im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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