we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
