I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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