it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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