Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
did you just send me my own nude
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
