she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You may now shotgun with the bride
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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