My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
