Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
And then my night got REAL pukey
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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