so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
