A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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