Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
