she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
