And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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