This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
