I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
