hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
