Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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