cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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